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The SEC as Star Wars Characters

This post is from last year, when Ole Miss students were considering Admiral Ackbar as their new mascot. Folks seemed to like it, so I’m recycling it today, but also wanted to remind you I’m giving away Alabama-Kent State tickets, and Auburn-Utah State tickets, just follow the links to learn how to enter.

Since it looks like Ole Miss students are going to elect a certain Mon Calamarian to replace their banished mascot Colonel Reb, I began to wonder what it would be like if all SEC schools followed suit.  And though I’m certain somewhere in the Internets this has already been done, I’m equally certain I don’t care.

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UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA (Emperor Palpatine)

Take that Colt McCoy

Let’s face it, the Crimson Tide have been ruling the SEC with an iron fist for some time now.  In fact just this year they won their 13th National Title, which is likely a galactic record.  That being said, I’m not sure how far you can take this analogy.  I mean Alabama isn’t really a repressive fascist government, and so far as I know Nick Saban can’t shoot lightning out of his fingers.  But then again, Have you seen the most recent construction photos from the Bryant-Denny Stadium expansion?

Bryant-Denny, not quite fully operational

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UNIVERSITY OF ARKANSAS (Boba Fett)

Woo Pig Sooie!

Mysterious, dangerous, yet fully capable of self-destructing and flying headfirst into the Sarlacc Pit, this is the Arkansas Razorbacks.  In the prequels we learn young Boba had the misfortune of watching his father’s head separate from his body, which likely drove him to a life of bounty hunting, though lets be honest, it’s doubtful he had the grades to do anything else.  What early event scarred Hog fans?  Perhaps seeing John Daly topless.

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AUBURN UNIVERSITY (Luke Skywalker)

But the Empire pays players

Like young Skywalker, the Auburn Tigers lead the rebellion against the Galactic Crimson Tide.  And depending on the season, Auburn can either look like young Luke getting his hand chopped off, or like Jedi Luke taking out all of Jabba the Hutt’s men by himself.  Also, and I’m saying this as an Auburn fan, we both can be a little whiny.

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LOUISIANA STATE UNIVERSITY (Sand People)

Tiger Bait!

This one is perfect.  I mean have you ever been to a game in Baton Rouge?  Sure, someone might feed you some Cajun deliciousness, but you are just as likely to be beaten with a stick and have your R2-unit stolen.  From what I understand one LSU fan is easily startled, but be on guard because soon they will be back, and in greater number.

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OLE MISS (Admiral Ackbar)

I have no clue why the Ole Miss students picked Admiral Ackbar to be their next mascot.  Sure, he is incredibly observant, but so is Sherlock Holmes.  I guess in the end it doesn’t matter, the Rebels are on the cusp of having the greatest mascot in the history of planet Earth, we should all be so lucky.  Also, I can’t wait to hear the Ole Miss band play From Endor With Love.

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MISSISSIPPI STATE UNIVERSITY (Ewoks)

More cowbell

I remember some purists were upset that George Lucas used a bunch of three-foot furballs to help defeat the Empire in Return of the Jedi.  Their reasoning was those little guys, cute as they were, wouldn’t stand a chance against a legion of battle-hardened Stormtroopers.  But folks didn’t think Mississippi State had much of a chance against Ole Miss this year either, and how’d that turn out?  That being said, State fans hate it when you pet them and try to take them home.

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UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA (Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker)

For the past twenty years Florida has been ruling the SEC side-by-side with their friend the Emperor.  In fact their rise to power came under a coach referred to as Darth Visor.  Like the real Darth Vader, you can sometimes sense the good left in the Gators (see Tim Tebow and Danny Wuerffel), but don’t forget they can also be really, really bad (see Gainesville Crime Report).  Of course using this logic Florida would be Auburn’s father, but I never promised this post would hold up under intense scrutiny.

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UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA (Han Solo)

I wonder if this vest comes in red

Han Solo is Luke Skywalker’s best friend, but sometimes they fight, usually in mid-November.  Like Auburn, Georgia is also concerned with bringing down the Empire, though the last time they met the Bulldogs were more concerned with how they looked than how they played.  But that’s okay, Georgia still has the keys to the fastest ship in the Galaxy, Herschel Walker.

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UNIVERSITY OF KENTUCKY (Lando Calrissian)

Ashley Judd? Where?

Like Lando, Kentucky is somewhat interested in fighting the Empire, but let’s be honest, they both have other things on their minds.  For the Wildcats it’s basketball, and the #1 seed John Mon Calapari has all but wrapped up.  For Lando, it’s running Cloud City, drinking malt liquor, and his blossoming R&B career.  Also, they both look excellent in blue.

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UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA (Princess Leia)

Yeah, I have no good reason for this one.  I just wanted to post this picture.  You are welcome.

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UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE (Jabba the Hutt)

Of course gold bikinis are practical

Sure Tennessee hates the Empire, but I’m not sure they like anyone, except maybe Boba Fett/Arkansas, who they teamed up with to capture a frozen Han Solo and win the 1998 National Championship.  Also Neyland Stadium is the largest in the SEC, while Jabba is the largest slug in cinematic history.  And you thought I couldn’t resist a Phil Fulmer joke.

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VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY (C-3PO)

4.0 GPA

Gold, nerdy, and fluent in over 6,000,000 forms of communication.  It’s been lonely in the SEC for Vandy since their droid friend R2-D2 (Georgia Tech), left the league in 1963.

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And a few more for fun….

Pat Dye (Obi Wan Kenobi) Tommy Tuberville (Yoda)

Like Kenobi, Dye helps Luke Skywalker in his quest to defeat the Empire.  Unlike Kenobi, Dye is not dead, but he is old, and sometimes I hear his disembodied voice through my radio speakers.  Tuberville and Yoda both have big ears, and both live in desolate places (Dagoboh and Lubbock)

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SEC REFS (Greedo)

I hate to pick on the referees, because I certainly couldn’t do their job, but last year they had a hard time, so that gets them compared to perhaps the most incompetent bounty hunter of all-time, Greedo.

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LANE KIFFIN (Darth Maul)

At first when you see Lane Kiffin or Darth Maul you think, uh oh, this guy is going to be tough to beat.  But it turns out neither of them stayed around very long, and neither were that hard to beat.  Only difference is Maul never spoke, while Kiffin never shut up.

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LARRY MUNSON (Chewbacca)

If Georgia is Han Solo, then Larry Munson has to be Chewy.  He’s beloved by all, but only Georgia fans can understand what he is saying.

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